Everything is so expensive.
The price of the eggs nowadays,
it'd make you hold your breath.
If you buy 'em cheaper, you gotta hold your nose.
If business ain't any better tomorrow
than it was yesterday,
goodness knows what'll happen to us today.
Even the Bank of England ain't got no money.
The other day, I sent a creditor of mine
a check for five pounds,
a Bank of England check.
Came back marked, "No funds."
It's pretty tough nowadays
when the Bank of England ain't got five pounds, huh?
Well?
How's business by you, you liar?
How's business?
There ain't none.
How's yours?
Even.
Even?
What do you mean by even?
Even worse than last year.
How much do you think I made last year?
50%.
50% of what?
Of whatever you say.
Hymie, nowadays, they lend money out
on interest to a principal,
and when the interest comes due,
you can't even find the principal.
Even the customers nowadays
what don't intend to pay in giving any orders.
Look at them.
There is plenty of money in the world,
but try and get some of it.
Hymie, I'm in great trouble.
Schnitzer over there is my wholesaler.
He's coming around today to collect money.
I owe him a lot.
I hope he gets it.
- Hymie? - Uh-huh?
What time is it?
Half past.
Half past what?
I don't know, my watch has stopped.
Hymie, do me a favour?
Go in by Ziggy Toporofski and ask him what time it is.
- All right. - That's a good fellow.
Go ahead.
Ahh, ain't it lucky that you met me?
Maybe you would like to buy a nice hat?
Yes, no, yes?
I don't want a hat.
I can't afford one.
What do you mean you can't afford one?
You got plenty of money.
You got a purse in your bag there.
A nice girl like you should have a nice hat, huh?
I don't want one.
I've got one.
Looks like a shell from a coconut.
Come here, I want you to come with me.
I'll show you something that you never seen before.
Oh, yes, that's a lovely one.
Rosie, I got a customer.
Maurice, Maurice.
Come out and have a look.
Look at him, look at him!
The highway robber, the gunner.
Stealing the customers from under my very nose!
Come on.
There's a little hat inside you'd look just too sweet in.
That's right, do what my daughter tells you.
It's a beautiful hat.
Go on in there, go on.
No, our lodgers would laugh at me.
Well, why don't you charge 'em entertainment tax?
Say, miss, don't you, you come to a decent shop.
Say, you leave my customers alone, you thief.
She was on her way to our place!
On her way to your place.
I know that young girl already for the last 35 years.
Let go, let go!
You hear what she says? Let go!
Let go yourself, she's mine!
She's my customer, I tell you.
What do you think this is, a bargain basement?
Stop.
It's all right, Pop.
Now look here, Abie Pilstein,
she's our customer and you stole her.
I stole her?
Say, listen, Hymie, I'm as honest as you are, you thief.
The only thing you ever came honestly by is your tonsils,
and then I ain't sure.
Say, don't you talk to my father like that.
Look, look, look, Hymie, he can't take a joke.
A joke.
Just look at the wretch you've made of me!
Look here, Kid Burke.
Don't you come muscling in on my father's customers.
All right, Rosie.
Rosie, take our customer inside
and show her that new line of coats and suits.
Nothing is safe around here with that lowlife.
Huh?
Huh, why don't you learn how to speak English?
Huh, what do you mean huh?
What I say, huh?
Yeah.
Speak but you don't say nothing.
Ah-ha, but I do say something, Abie Pilstein,
and let me tell you,
you're a thief and a smash-and-grab!
Didn't I tell you that she was our customer?
Let me tell you something, Hymie,
that every time business is rotten on Magenta Street,
the customers always find their way back to Abie Pilstein's.
Uh-huh, perhaps you'd like the whole street to know.
Why not?
- Perhaps you'd like E. - Z. Schnitzer to know.
Hello, Abe.
Ahh, Mr. Schnitzer.
So nice of you to come to see me today
in my hour of trouble.
What can I do for you, Mr. Schnitzer?
How 'bout my money?
You want your money?
What can I say, Mr. Schnitzer?
Take a chair.
If I don't get my money today,
everything, I take!
But Mr. Schnitzer, you couldn't do that.
You wouldn't take my stock, my dresses, my coats, my hats,
the business what I built up!
You couldn't do that, Mr. Schnitzer!
Please, have a heart.
Business is business!
I know that, Mr. Schnitzer,
but there ain't no business.
We haven't had a customer for weeks!
Father?
Doesn't she look terrible beautiful?
Oh ho, so you ain't had a customer for weeks?
Well, Mr. Schnitzer, she ain't what I would call
a regular customer.
She's, uh...
She's wearing one of my dresses,
and you got to pay!
Mr. Schnitzer, I can't.
Then I take back my merchandise.
I won't keep you here long.
You see, I rather think
we'll be moving to other premises.
Take it away, every bit of it!
But, Mr. Schnitzer, you can't do that!
They're doing it!
If I would know that was going to happen,
I wouldn't have had the windows cleaned this morning.
Hey, that's my hat, you loafer, you!
Now, Mr. Schnitzer, please, will you listen to me?
Don't think for one minute that I'm a man
that would cheat you out the money.
Isn't that Schnitzer in there?
You know it is.
And now your father's satisfied, I suppose.
Oh, Rosie.
Just a minute!
Don't be angry with me, Rosie.
We don't want to quarrel.
Why, all this has got nothing to do with us two.
You know how I feel about you, Rosie.
We've known each other ever since we were kids.
Rosie, listen.
You marry me, and I'll square Schnitzer.
I'll get your father's stock back.
That's fair enough, isn't it?
Do you think that's the way to undress a decent girl?
To offer to buy her?
I'm not for sale!
That takes you back a bit, don't it, dearie?
Not half.
No, all of it!
Well, Rosie,
we're all cleaned out.
What're we gonna do now?
Never mind, dear.
You've still got me, and I can work.
Yes.
I'm so sorry, miss, that things have turned out
so bad for ya.
And even I can't pay for this beautiful dress.
That's all right.
Forget it.
Not likely, miss.
You take my card, miss.
There you are.
Mrs. Tilly Blumberg,
the Magenta Boarding Establishment.
Are you Mrs. Blumberg?
Me?
No fear.
I'm the establishment.
I do all the work.
But that address'll find me,
and then I'll pay ya every week for these,
half a crown.
Half a crown a week, Rosie, it ain't much,
but it shows you there is still good will in the business.
- Thank you very much, miss. - Goodbye.
- Thank you, goodbye. - Goodbye.
Rosie,
what a nice girl.
She's nearly as nice as you are.
Well, Rosie,
looks to me like we still got a going concern.
What do you mean?
Schnitzer is gone, the stock is gone,
the money is gone, and we are going, too.
But where?
I'm going over to see Hymie Berkowitz.
Oh, look, Father.
There he is.
Oh, Hymie.
Come here.
What is it, Abe?
Hymie, I ain't mad at you no more.
And I ain't mad with you, Abe.
But you are such an antagonist.
Hymie, do me a favour.
Don't you use such dirty language in front of my daughter.
Please.
Excuse me a minute, Rosie, I want to have a talk with Hymie.
Come here.
Good morning, Mr. Berkowitz.
Good morning, Lisa, my dear.
Good morning, Mr. Pilstein.
How do you do, Lisa?
How's business?
Business.
If your coffee ain't any better than my business,
I'll have a cup of tea.
Tea for one.
Oh, no, no, coffee.
With two saucers.
All right.
I'll have coffee, too, Lisa.
Yes.
Well, Hymie, I'm going to do you a favour.
Me a favour?
Yeah.
I'm going to sell you my business.
Is it worth anything, Abe?
Well, Hymie, you know my only trouble was
that I ran short of money.
Everybody's got that trouble.
Well, of course!
If I would have had two or 300 pounds behind me, Hymie,
I would made that a big thing, that business.
You know, Hymie, my daughter Rosie
is the best businesswoman on the whole street.
One of these days she's going to be
the suffrage of Magenta Street.
And what a location, Hymie.
What a position.
I'm going to give it to you.
It's a bargain.
Hymie, me and you's been friends for 25 years,
and you know I wouldn't lie to you.
Now what do you say?
He sold you a pub, Dad.
Abe's business ain't worth 500 pence,
let alone pounds.
You're a fine businessman you are.
Oh?
You'll be openin' up a store
in the fireproof building next.
Can't a man do what he likes with his own money?
Oh, so you did it to help him then?
Listen, my son,
Abie Pilstein and I have been fighting
for the last 20 years.
Now that he's got what you call the knockout,
shall I kick him in the stomach when his back is turned?
You're a sentimental old fool, Pop.
My boy...
Bless you.
Me, a sentiment?
I'm a businessman.
Listen, my lad.
Watch that thief of a painter.
It's a shilling a letter including the full stops.
Okay, Pop.
We have to welcome new guests here this evening.
They come here very highly recommended.
Mm, I recommended 'em.
Mr. Abie Pilstein and his charming daughter Rosie.
Ah, Mrs. Blumberg it's so nice for you to say
that my daughter Rosie is charming.
I know she's charming.
And you are very charming yourself,
you're a very good-looking woman, Mrs. Blumberg.
You look so nice tonight
with that nom de plume stuck in your hair.
Let me introduce you one to the other.
Mr. Jimmie Dale, the famous boxer.
Oh, uh, not famous yet, I'm afraid.
But I'm gonna be.
Oh, let me introduce my manager, Mr. Pug Wilson.
Say, Mr. Wilson,
everybody's crazy about fighting nowadays.
In every family, you'll find at least one fighter.
We had one in our family, my wife.
I was married 22 years, and only had one fight with my wife.
Can you imagine, Mrs. Blumberg,
one fight lasting for 22 years?
Oi!
My plate's damp.
That's your soup.
Anything wrong with the soup, Mr. Pilstein?
Well, I ain't here very long, I don't like to complain,
but look, Mrs. Blumberg, there's a fly here in the soup.
How much can such a little fly drink?
And that gentleman there is Mr. Joe Bell, the bookmaker.
A bookmaker, huh?
Well, I myself, I don't read many books,
but maybe my daughter will buy one from you, huh?
You got me wrong, cocky.
Commission agent, that's me.
The old reliable firm, Joe Bell.
Sound as a bell, firm as a rock.
Now, Mr. Pilstein, that gentlemen there
is the great theatre manager Mr. Solly Sax.
That good-lookin' fella there?
How do you do, Mr. Sax?
How do you do?
How do you do, sir?
Is the soup good, Mr. Wilson?
Yeah, it's not half.
Sounds like it.
Sorry I'm late, Mrs. Blumberg,
but since that new doctor came to the neighbourhood,
I have been kept very very busy.
Mmm.
Mr. Pilstein, this is Mr. Moe Levi, the undertaker.
Ah, how do you do, Mr. Levi?
How do you do?
Undertaker, huh?
That's a good business, Mrs. Blumberg.
Everybody's got to die sometime.
Somebody's got to put 'em away.
Mmm.
He buries everyone who lives around here.
Well, he looks like he could do it!
Fortunately.
A little present for your birthday.
Oh, Mr. Levi, you shouldn't have done this.
Pleasure, was a pleasure.
Aren't they beautiful?
Very sweet.
Lilies of the alleys, huh?
Mmm!
He always brings me flowers, Mr. Pilstein.
Such extravagance.
Get out, maybe he didn't pay nothing for them.
Maybe the fellow what he got 'em from
wouldn't need 'em anymore.
He's an undertaker, you know?
- Here, Anna. - Mrs. Blumberg?
I want you to compliment you on that soup here.
It's no wonder that the people will scrape the flowers
from the bottom of the plate.
But that is the very best soup I can get.
Hello, everybody.
Ah!
Mr. Pilstein, I want you to meet
a very charming young lady, Ms. Nellie B. Kelly.
Pleased to meet ya, Mr. Pilstein.
How do you do?
Anna, take your thumb outta my soup.
Did I not, miss?
You should hear Ms. Kelly sing.
- That young lady? - Yes.
- She's a singer, huh? - Uh-huh.
That's a good business, a singer.
Sometimes you can sing for your money.
We got one in our family,
my cousin Caruso Greenbaum.
- No. - He's a singer, too.
That fella can hold a note for a minute and a half.
Oh, wonderful.
I've been holding two of his notes
for three years already.
Does your father know we've met before,
on the night I fought Brown?
No.
I said I'd been to the cinema with Kid Burke.
Instead you came to the fight to see me.
Yes, I'd never been to a fight before.
Oh, well, what made you go to that one?
I don't quite know.
I think it was because I liked your picture in the papers.
Aren't women silly?
Yes.
Lucky for us.
Well, I hope I didn't disappoint you.
No.
On the contrary.
Mrs. Blumberg, Mrs. Blumberg.
Yes, Anna?
There's a policeman at the door.
What's the matter?
Well, he wants to know
if one of the boarders are missing.
Why?
Well, he says they found a skeleton in the park.
What?
Yeah.
Well, it don't belong here.
Tell him to try Mrs. Marks down the street.
All right, yeah.
That they should say such a thing about my place.
Why, with me, I do my guests fine.
Now tonight, we have a goose.
And what a goose.
We are going to celebrate.
It is my birthday.
I am 47 years old today.
Ah, but Mrs. Blumberg,
why do you want to kill that poor goose
for something what happened 47 years ago?
57.
My slogan is best for the guests.
Good food...
What there is of it.
Good beds, good mattresses...
I got a good mattress, one with knobs on.
And above all things, Mr. Pilstein,
my house is quiet.
I thought I heard a noise, Mrs. Blumberg.
No.
That was nothing, Mr. Pilstein.
No?
That was only Mr. Solly Sax's
two pussyfoot dancers rehearsing.
Do you know your routine now?
Sure.
Well, let's go.
All right.
Say, I got a little dog and he's got no nose.
How's he smell?
Rotten.
Say, I got a little dog and he won't eat meat.
Why?
I won't give him any.
Goldfish.
Hey, my goldfish has got influenza.
Poor fish.
It's all right, it's only on the small scale.
Right.
Say, I know a woman who lives by eating onions alone.
I'll bet she's still alone.
It's all right.
How do you find the goose, Mr. Pilstein?
Well, Mrs. Blumberg, I looked under the potato,
and there it was!
What made you tell your father you'd been with Kid Burke?
Are you, um...
Oh, we grew up together.
Sweethearts?
No, just friends, that's all.
Mm.
Don't you approve?
No.
Oh, why not?
I'm jealous.
Oh.
I've thought a lot about you since that night.
Do you know there's one thing I'd like to do?
What's that?
Sock Kid Burke on the nose.
Well, that's rather primitive, isn't it?
Fighting's a primitive business.
And if he was in my class, I'd do it publicly.
Well, isn't he?
I'm nearly a stone heavier.
Well, what difference does that make?
All the difference.
Anyway, weight or no weight,
I'll have a sock at him one day.
Rosie, I got a secret.
What is it?
I'm crazy about you.
When is your next fight, Mr. Dale?
Hm?
Oh, do you know I never seem to get any luck these days.
Never seem to meet a fighter worth while.
If only I had a proper manager, he'd fix it.
Oh?
And if I had the right fighter,
it wouldn't need fixin', see?
We ain't got no dough.
That's what's wrong.
You said a mouthful.
S'right.
Now, Mr. Pilstein,
we have told you our business,
what may I ask is your business?
My business, Mrs. Blumberg?
Well, I don't like to talk about myself,
but, uh, as a matter of fact, Mr. Blumberg,
I ain't got no business.
I, uh, I, uh...
Oh, father is retired.
That's right, Mrs. Blumberg.
I don't do nothing at all.
I'm a retired gentleman.
Come in!
Just a minute, Mr. Pilstein.
Now understand, I wouldn't do this for everyone,
but I've taken a great fancy to you.
That's very nice of you.
Mr. Pilstein, how would you like to make a large fortune?
Well, everybody likes to make money, no?
Sit down!
Thank you, Mr. Pilstein, thank you.
Believe me, Mr. Pilstein,
you're counting the money now.
If you book down 500 pounds
to give Jimmie Dale a chance in the ring,
I'll let you in for half the profits.
Half?
Say, I'll tell you something.
You give me 500 pounds,
and you can have all the profits.
Ohh.
Come in!
Just a minute, Mr. Pilstein.
Oi, oi.
Now understand I wouldn't do this for everyone,
but I've taken a great fancy to you.
That's very nice, a couple o' fancy fellas.
Mr. Pilstein, how would you like to make a large fortune?
How would a fish like to swim in the ocean?
He's a lad.
Where are you going, Mr. Sax?
I have an appointment with my dear friend Mr. Pilstein.
Oh, excuse me, it is I who have the appointment.
- I tell you, Mr. Sax. - Excuse me, gentlemen.
It is I and I alone who have the appointment.
Ladies first!
Beat!
Ooh!
Didn't you hear what the lady said?
Of course I heard what the lady said.
My proposition is...
Look at the money you'd make!
But my proposition...
A friend of mine had a business,
he didn't have a penny!
My proposition...
I can buy us a nonpareil suspender business factory,
why not come in with me?
But my proposition...
Gentlemen, gentlemen!
Stop, stop, stop, stop, psst.
Ladies first.
Blind a beetle.
You're such a nice man, Mr. Pilstein.
Let me call you Abie.
You can call me Tilly.
You're such a handsome man, Mr. Pilstein.
I know that, Tilly.
And you ain't such a bad-lookin' girl, neither.
You smell so sweet.
That's my Eau de Cologne.
Just like my first wife used to smell.
You like perfume, Tilly?
I love it.
I like it, too!
Well, the next time you come to see me,
you can put some on my handkerchief.
Oh.
Now, Abie, you are just the kind of man
I would like for a partner.
If I had 500 pounds more,
I could add 20 more rooms to my hotel.
And when I've looked after that lot,
the rest of the day's me own!
We ain't gonna allow this old geezer
to get away with this monkey business, are we?
You've said it, me old cock sparrow!
Dally more, come on, knock it, knock it.
Just park your bustle over there under Cain and Abel.
But what's the matter?
Now, Mr. Pilstein, my proposition is that you put...
Shh, listen.
You people are trying to make me feel
like a malted millionaire and I ain't used to it.
My father always said when you're in Rome,
you gotta do as the Romanians do,
and I don't feel any too good tonight.
Maybe if you come around tomorrow morning at eight o'clock...
Yes?
Well, then maybe there wouldn't be anything needed.
Now get out of here, everyone.
Oh, now Mr. Pilstein...
Get out, out of here.
Out.
Get out of here.
Go on, go on, go on, go on.
Say, what do you want?
There ain't nothing here for you, neither.
What do you mean?
What do I mean?
I ain't going to put no money in no box-fighting business.
I've not come to talk about money.
I've come to talk about your daughter Rosie.
She's a lovely girl.
Of course she's a lovely girl.
She's my daughter and she takes after her father.
I want your permission to...
Ah, get out.
You ain't acquainted with her yet.
Well, that's no fault of mine.
Well, what do you think I am, crazy?
You think I'm meshugga?
I'm a businessman!
You think I'm going to give my daughter to a fighter?
Say, let me tell you something, mister.
There ain't never been no insanity in our family,
and they're ain't going to be none now neither!
I'll see you later.
Yeah, and the next time you see me,
take a good look at me.
Didja ever see, didja ever?
You're looking upset, Mr. Dale.
I'm getting outta here.
Away?
Until I've made good.
Jimmie.
Oh, Mr. Dale.
Yes?
Aren't I going to see you anymore?
Would you mind very much if you didn't?
I tried to ask your father if he'd mind me talking to you.
Oh, Jimmie, you shouldn't have done that.
He doesn't like box-fighters.
Rosie, I can't,
oh, you'll think I'm crazy, but...
Perhaps I'm crazy, too.
Oh, Rosie.
Oh, only a little crazy.
Jimmie, make good.
Please.
You wait.
Does Ms. Pilstein live here?
Ah, yes.
Say.
You're Kid Burke, aren't you?
That's me.
Yes, well, maybe we're gonna meet again someday.
Why?
I want to fight with you.
You, why?
You're not my weight, and who are you, anyway?
I'm Jimmie Dale of Kensington.
Never heard of you.
No, but you will.
Oh, yeah?
Rosie?
Hello, Kid.
Gee, you're lookin' fine.
So you said this morning.
You haven't come here especially to repeat it, surely.
No, I came to see your father.
I brought a letter that was left at the shop.
That reminds me,
the shop's gonna need a manageress.
The people like you.
Well, what do you say?
We'll give you commission on top of your salary.
Um, strictly business?
Of course.
Well, I'll think it over.
- But, dear... - Now be satisfied.
I'll have to be.
Think it over, sweet.
I don't mean just the shop.
The other.
Oy vey.
I told you I don't want to listen to no more tonight.
I told you already once a dozen times
I didn't want to talk to nobody!
Next time I tell ya, I wouldn't tell ya again!
But it's me, Father.
Oh, it's you, Rosie.
Oh, well, come in, my darling.
Hello.
Father, here's a letter from firm solicitors.
Solicitors?
Oh, that's bad.
Better let it go until tomorrow.
Oh, but it might be important.
Might be a writ.
You know, with lawyers,
letters always comes with other trouble.
Throw it away.
Oh, Father, I think we ought to open it.
Well, go ahead, my darling, if you want to.
Look, it's from Goldberg, Goldberg,
Goldberg, and Goldberg.
Thousands of Goldbergs in the world.
Once upon a time, there was only two Goldbergs.
Now look at them.
Well,
what does the Goldberg say?
Dear sir,
if you will come see us tomorrow at 10 AM,
you will hear something to your advantage.
Maybe they're going to sue us for damages.
Rosie, it's so much trouble with damages lately.
What I need now is repairs!
Say, Mr. Lawyer,
I don't know why you should invite me down to your office.
I told Hymie maybe somebody's going to sue me
for damages, yeah?
No, Mr. Pilstein.
Your Aunt Rosa who recently died in America
has left you her entire fortune of 100,000 pounds.
100,000 pounds?
Aunt Rosie?
You was named after her.
She was a lovely woman.
She had a few freckles,
but she was rich enough to cover each freckle
with a five pound note.
Her teeth were beautiful.
Both of them.
It's a good thing they was opposite each other.
She had central heating, Rosie,
but I didn't know she had so much money.
She felt, however, that you should receive this money
only if you were in need of it.
Well, of course I'm in need of it.
Who wouldn't be in need of 100,000 pounds?
Look at the interest what I lose
on that capital what I haven't got yet.
She therefore makes it a condition
that you should receive this money providing
you have no income and no capital over 50 pounds.
Ahh.
The will will be read in 30 days time,
and if your condition is then as I have described it,
you will receive the money.
Otherwise, the fortune goes to charity.
What about that money that we got from Hymie?
Well, ask him.
Does that mean that I got 30 days to get rid of,
you know I got, uh...
Your present financial position does not interest me.
It is what you have in 30 days time that matters.
Ahh.
Well,
we gotta think that over, Rosie.
Is that all, Mr. Lawyer?
That's all, Mr. Pilstein.
Thank you very much.
Goodbye.
Do me a favour,
give my best regards to your father.
I used to know him when he sold neckties on Magenta Street.
Hello, Moe.
I've been looking all over the whole world for you.
Where was you?
Mr. Pilstein!
Well, of course!
Mr. Pilstein, how are you?
- I'm all right, thank you. - Right.
Say, how much do you want for them suspender factories
what you was talkin' about?
Well, for 150, I could put 'em on a paying basis.
150?
My suspenders is the best in the market.
I can make you a fortune!
Don't talk about that.
Where can I hand you some money, huh?
Hello, Abie!
- Joe Bell! - Mm!
The old firm, sound as a rock.
Joe, for years, I've been wanting to be a racetrack crowd.
Where can I hand you 200 pounds?
200 pounds?
Uh, maybe 225.
Oh boy, tomorrow I'll be back on the course again.
The Old Firm Joe Bell, Joe Bell.
Sound as a bell, firm as a rock.
I'm here to be shot at.
Two to one, yours.
Two to one, bar one.
Joe Bell, sound as a bell, firm as a rock.
Come on, ladies and gentlemen,
I'm not here today and gone tomorrow!
Joe Bell, ladies and gentlemen.
, Joe, Joe!
Down to nine,
11,
- 15... - Hello, father.
- Down to 19! - Ah, hello, Rosie.
Are you having a good time?
- Yes. - It's nice here, isn't it?
Everybody seems to have money.
How long has this been going on?
Rosie, I yet remember once I went to the horse races
with Sally Cohn.
I pegged the horse at 20 to one
and he came in at half past two.
I want you to bet a little on a horse.
Go on.
All right, Father.
Look, I'll put down Plotzen.
Plotzen, is he a good horse?
Well, I hope he loses.
And you, too, Anna.
I want you should bet on a horse.
Do you fancy anything?
Oh, I've seen ever such a lovely horse in the stables.
He's got a tail that long.
- That long? - Mm, and a lovely head.
Well, put five pounds on his head
and five pounds on his tail.
Oh.
I see, both ways!
That's right, what's his name?
Schnozzle.
Schnozzle?
He ought to win by a nose!
Now where is the horses?
You'll get your bets off, wait a minute!
That'll do, that's the lot.
I want these two on.
What, all of 'em?
- All right. - Yeah.
Seeing you're a perfect regular on.
They're off.
Cucumber's winnin'!
Cucumber it is!
Schnozzle won!
- Schnozzle won? - Yes!
And so did Cucumber, and so did Plotzen!
Yes, well, what about the winnings?
Ohh, take 'em away, for heaven's sake!
Oh, oh, all right, sir.
The more I try to get rid of that money,
the more it keeps coming back to me.
My Aunt Rosie did me a fine trick, believe me.
All right, let him have it!
You don't want to flash it about here, Mr. Pilstein,
or you may lose the lot.
Oh, here's the money from Plotzen.
Good your buyer was there,
or that bookmaker mighta done Rosie down.
Oh, I'm sorry, Father,
but I couldn't help the horse winning, could I?
Well, Rosie,
who can tell what such a meshuggeneh horse will do?
Look, look!
What is that?
For Heaven's Sake won!
For Heaven's Sake won, what do you mean?
Look, For Heaven's Sake, 100 to one!
Put that in your pocket.
And you, Anna, hop in the back!
What're you gonna do?
Takin' you back to your hotel before you lose it!
Well, if I lost it, it wouldn't be any harm, neither.
♪ Money talks, money talks ♪
♪ But it only says goodbye to me ♪
♪ Money gives leisure ♪
♪ It only gives the air to me ♪
♪ Money talks in a whisper or a holler ♪
♪ And its only song worth a pound note or a dollar ♪
♪ Is Goodbye Forever ♪
♪ Money's always da, da, da, da, da, da, da ♪
♪ Da, da, da ♪
Well, that's not so good.
You look worried.
Say, you fake Hebe...
Now, that's all right, there's no need to rub it in.
They all know I'm not a Jew.
All right, all right.
But listen to this.
I'm through.
I'm goin' straight back to Brooklyn.
Oh, you couldn't do a thing like that.
The show's rotten.
The girls haven't been paid for rehearsal,
I've got no costumes, no scenery,
no money, no nothing.
I'm gonna scram.
Why, I could earn as much in one night at home
as I could in a year in this dump.
Well, that won't do you any good, you'll only drink it.
Is that so?
Well, that don't alter the fact, deary,
that you're trying to run this show on a shoestring,
but you're not fooling little Nellie.
Now look here, you can't walk out on me.
I can't, eh?
I'm going to give you a nice, big blast
of cold, cold air, do you get me?
And Mr. Sax, if Nellie goes, we all go.
That's all right.
Now the show opens on Monday...
Oh, yeah?
This show don't open without our money.
Didja ever see, didja ever?
The more I try to get rid of that money,
the more it comes back to me.
Maybe I could burn it.
I'm ruined, I'm ruined!
I'm ruined, I'm ruined,
I'll end it all.
For heaven's sake!
Fool.
Mighta been loaded!
Ah, I wish it had been.
Say, what's the matter with you?
What do you want to do such a terrible thing for?
- I'm ruined! - Ruined?
Yes, I've let down my public.
I shoulda produced a show on Monday,
they've all walked out on me!
Who, the actors?
Yes.
Musta been a terrible show, do you need the money for it?
Do you mean you'll finance the show for me?
If you put it on quick, and rotten,
and the worst that it is, the better I will like it.
- We'll make a fortune! - A fortune?
We'll turn 'em away at the doors!
Say, if you're gonna talk like that,
you wouldn't get one penny!
All right.
I'll go and tell the others.
Well, I'll go and get the money.
In my old age, I'm going to be a theatrical.
Look, look, look.
I couldn't blow it in,
and the wind blew it out!
At last it's gone!
Good!
Everything's going to be all right.
We're gonna have new scenery, new dresses,
new costumes, and a week's salary in hand.
Oh, boy!
That's great.
I'll say he's a real sugar daddy, huh?
I'll tell you some more.
That's fine.
Say, listen, folks.
- Yeah? - I got some news for you.
- Yeah? - I told 'em!
What do you think, there ain't gonna be no show!
No show?
No!
The money is all gone!
It blew out of the window!
I ain't got a bean!
Now we are in the soup.
Here they are, sir.
I found 'em.
Here, I brought 'em all back to ya.
Yeah.
Oy, again it comes back!
How can I repay you for bringing back
Mr. Pilstein's beautiful money?
Anna, darling!
Well, there is something you can do, sir.
Well?
Put me in your show, sir.
What?
Well, I can sing.
- Yes. - I can sing!
- Oh, yes. - Yes!
You listen.
Say, mister dancing master,
if I would had a voice like that,
I would get myself educated on the piano.
Well, what do you think of that?
- I think it's rotten. - Ohh.
Say, I think so, too,
but I invest my money on one condition.
What is it?
That she goes in the show.
Put the public won't stand for it!
I'm glad to hear it!
You'll lose your money!
Good!
If you lose your money, what then?
Don't worry about me, I'm going to be a millionaire.
Ah, this fella's cuckoo.
All right, Anna goes in the show.
Remember, no funny business.
We gotta get it in writing.
Well, haven't I got an honest face?
What difference does that make?
Come here, I want to tell you, I know a lot of fellas...
Here ya are, Mr. Schnitzer.
You sit here, will ya?
Just a minute, Jimmie, just a minute.
Mr. Schnitzer, you're a businessman, aren't ya?
Now I've got a nice little proposition for you.
The coffee.
Oh, yes, I'm sorry, sorry.
London eye, sir?
- Two more. - Right.
Mr. Schnitzer, I want you to meet
the coming world's champion.
The is Jimmie Dale, the Kensington Killer.
Fine boy.
Yes, yes, yes, I trained him meself.
Now Jimmie Dale here is simply breakin' his heart
for a fight with Kid Burke.
Burke's a...
I know what you're gonna say,
but if this thing is handled properly,
there's a pot of money for all of us.
Listen, Pug, it's not so much the money I'm after,
you know that.
You shut up and leave this to me, will you?
Mister, look here, I wanna show show you something.
Out there, you see?
Will you, Kid?
No, Rosie.
I can't do it.
Feller is unknown, he isn't my weight.
Not even for me?
I'll tell ya, a match between these two boys,
advertised properly,
such as a fight to a finish for the hand of the girl,
would draw all Magenta Street, and then some.
Right.
Leave it to me.
Here, here, here.
Old Schnitzer's fallen for it.
Now you'll see some fun.
Gotcha!
If you heard what he said about you...
Who?
Jimmie Dale, Rosie Pilstein's boy.
What do you mean Rosie's boy?
Well, he said you were using a question of weight
to get fresh with Rose.
It wouldn't be fair to fight you.
He said that?
I'll knock his block off.
Ah, remember your weight.
What Kid Lewis did, I'll do!
You mean you'll fight this big fella in the ring?
And how, you give me the chance!
Ahh, good boy!
Rosie, I once asked you a question at this very stall.
If I take on this fancy bloke of yours,
will you give me a little more interest on the result?
What do you mean?
If I fight this Jimmie Dale in the ring,
will you marry the winner?
Oh, I...
You think he's gonna knock the stuffing outta me,
don't you?
- Yes, but... - Well, what's your worry?
Will you marry me if it turns the other way around?
I'll get out to you tomorrow, I...
I must know now.
Oh, but he'll win.
If you feel so sure, what about it?
Well,
all right then.
You'll say yes if I'll win?
Oh, boy!
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!
Say, boy, what do you call that game?
Yo-yo.
Yo-yo?
Why don't you call it oy-oy
and then all the Yiddish boys'll play it.
Ahh.
How do you do, Mr. Schnitzer?
You look very happy today.
Closed up another shop maybe, huh?
You ain't looking too bad yourself, Abe.
Well, money, it's like that.
I'm a theatre manager, I got shares in suspenders,
and I still got a little money.
I got a sideline, too.
I'm a boxing promoter.
Boxing promoter?
I'm arranging a fight for young Jimmie Dale,
the Kensington Killer.
Who, that loafer?
Who's he falling with now?
He's fighting Kid Burke.
Kid Burke, Hymie's boy?
Ain't they friends no more?
Ask your daughter Rosie.
My daughter Rosie, what does she got to do with it?
They both want to marry her.
They both want to marry my,
what do they think she is, a bigamist?
Say, let me tell you something, Mr. Schnitzer,
neither one of them fellas'll ever marry my daughter.
Besides, I think that big bully'll kill Hymie's boy.
- You think so? - Sure.
Would you like to bet on it?
What do you mean would I like to bet on it?
With real money?
Of course.
Sure, I would like to bet.
Who you think to lose?
I can't help but think young Jimmie Dale will win easily.
Well,
I'll bet on Hymie's boy.
Here is 250 pounds, two for one.
And I'll bet with you that Hymie's boy
will kill that loafer.
500 to 250 that Kid Burke beats Jimmie Dale.
The bet's on.
Sure, the bet's on.
Why not?
Oh, the duchess, sir.
See that one in the low cut dress?
Solly, dress is cut so low,
I'm too much of a gentleman to look!
It's a very good cigar, eh?
Not bad at all.
- You know where I got it? - No.
I went in by Jake Bloomfield,
they handed around a box of cigars.
Well, with such kind of people like Jake,
you can't be hoggish.
I only took six.
Ain't bad, cost nothing.
See the lady in red?
Rather snobbish, don't you think?
I know her whole family.
She walks around the whole day
with her nose stuck up in the air.
But they say that's inherited,
her grandfather was a cheese monger.
Ah, how do you do, Mr. Levi?
How do you do?
I see you're raising your beard.
Keep it on, it looks good, and funny.
You look exactly like your grandfather, Oliver Schulum.
He had a beard, too.
You can say focus every time you need a shave, no?
♪ When I had money, I had beaus by the score ♪
♪ Now I have nothing, they just pass by my door ♪
♪ True love is blind, the poets used to say ♪
♪ I think it's dumb today ♪
♪ Money talks, money talks ♪
♪ But it only says goodbye to me ♪
♪ Money gives leisure, misery and pleasure ♪
♪ But only gives the air to me ♪
♪ Money talks in a whisper or a holler ♪
♪ And its only song worth a pound note or a dollar ♪
♪ Is Goodbye Forever ♪
♪ Money's always talking ♪
♪ But it only gives the air to me ♪
A wonderful house, Abe.
Old money.
They all paid to come in.
Solly, please don't remind me.
I wonder why my Rosie ain't here.
Mr. Schnitzer's arranged this fight for me, Rosie,
and now you'll see what I'm going to do
to that jumped up little tout of yours.
I'm gonna knock him through the ropes
inside the very first round.
Jimmie, don't you think we ought to go now?
Oh, but...
You see, it's rather cold,
and be a terrible thing if you caught a chill
right on the eve of the fight.
Because...
Because what, Rosie?
Well, because I promised to marry the winner.
Oh.
Go on!
Do I go on now?
Yes, they're waiting for you, go on!
Oh, I don't, I don't...
♪ Here you are, singing in the sun ♪
♪ He sings a song that's sweet and begins a lullaby ♪
♪ Up to the heavens wingin' ♪
♪ He joins in always singin' ♪
♪ Singin' the whole day long, tra la la ♪
♪ From morning dawn to evenin' star ♪
♪ Hark to the lark ♪
♪ Singing for you, singing for me ♪
♪ Bring him to me ♪
♪ Front of the land, over the sea ♪
♪ Hark to the lark ♪
♪ Singing for you, and me, and you ♪
♪ Hark the girls ♪
It's all right, yet.
♪ I'm getting a laugh ♪
♪ Hark the night ♪
Ow!
That girl's wonderful!
She's going to make the show!
She'll make a fortune for us!
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.
Have you heard the news?
No.
Listen, the libraries have made a great big deal.
The show's a riot, thanks to Anna,
and we're all going to have tonnes,
and tonnes, and tonnes of money.
- More money. - Come on, Solly.
Money, money, money, that's all you...
It's money for jam.
The more I try to get rid of that money,
the more it keeps coming back!
What did I tell ya?
Here we are, Abie, boy!
Your share of the winnings!
Coo, what a day!
All the favourites down the course.
Oy, what will Goldberg, Golberg, Golberg, and Golberg say?
Search me.
Mr. Pilstein, Mr. Pilstein!
I have some wonderful news!
I got a record order for 350 gross
of suspenders for Argentine, yes.
Here's the check.
Say, take it away, or I'll take it!
What's the matter with him?
Is he meshuggeneh?
Sugar me foot, he's up the sausage roll.
He is looney!
Mmm, is he crazy.
If you had to get rid of as much money
as I got to get rid of, you'd be crazy, too.
Listen, friends, do me a favour, take that money.
I'll make you all a present of it.
Are we crazy?
No.
And neither is my father.
He comes into a fortune of 100,000 pounds tomorrow
if we can only lose this money tonight.
Oh, take it away for heaven's sake!
Stop, I make one condition.
I dissolve my partnership with all of you.
Mazel.
I always said he was a real sugar daddy.
He is crazy.
Sound as bell, firm as a rock!
Thank heavens.
Rosie, at last we got nothing.
What, nothing, Mr. Goldberg?
Nothing?
I am very, very sorry, Mr. Pilstein.
The bank in which your aunt Rose's money was deposited
has failed.
Everything has been swept away.
Swept away?
Then I don't get that money?
I am sorry to say that's the situation.
Oh, Rosie, what am I going to do?
We've got nothing left.
Oh, I was such a fool.
I gave away all we had
because you told me I was going to be a rich man.
Thanks to you,
we're ruined.
I'm broke.
Never mind, dear.
We've still got good friends.
Solly, Moe, Joe, Nellie?
But they have all gone, Mr. Pilstein.
All gone?
Even the lowlife Anna is now the high-life star,
and that is thanks to you, Mr. Pilstein.
To me?
Before, they were content with me,
best for the guests.
Now, they have taken their money
to the big boarding houses,
the Ritz and Savoy.
Oh.
Oy, that such a thing should happen.
Your bill, Mr. Pilstein.
But Mrs. Blumberg!
Mrs. Blumberg...
You will please to pay him, Mr. Pilstein.
But Mrs. Blumberg, I don't know what I'm going to do.
I haven't got any money.
I'm broke.
We're finished!
I should worry.
What, Anna?
- You? - Look.
Rosie, look.
Anna!
Yes, Anna.
That you should come here dressed up
like an imitation lady.
Well, what's all the fuss about?
I've come to pay him his money.
What money?
Well, the half a crown a week.
I'm payin' it off.
Five pounds.
My friend!
Just when I needed the money most, she comes.
Mrs. Blumberg, how much is your bill?
Four pounds, 19 schillings and 11 pence,
dear Mr. Pilstein.
Mrs. Blumberg, here is five pounds,
and with all the compliments of the season,
I don't want no change.
Up, keep up!
Rosie, the fight, the fight!
We got one more chance.
What do you mean?
I bet Hymie's boy to beat Jimmie Dale.
You bet the Kid to win?
Sure.
And if he wins, we're safe from ruin.
But if the Kid beats Jimmie, I...
Rosie, I'll tell you what we do.
We'll go to the fight.
Come on, come on!
We'll go the fight, Rosie.
We'll see what has...
Boys, will you take me to the fight?
Sure.
But who pays?
Why, the woman always pays.
Okay.
Now ladies and gentlemen,
this is a 10-round contest
of three minutes each round
between Kid Burke of Magenta Street...
And Jimmie Dale of Kensington!
Say, Rosie,
I never did care for box-fighters anyhow.
Especially that schmoozer Hymie's boy.
But if he can beat that big fella
and get my business back for me,
will I love that boy?
Maybe yes, maybe no.
Who can tell?
Yes, Father.
The referee for this contest
is our old friend Billy Wells.
Hello, Rosie.
Everything is gonna be okay.
Who do you fancy to win this fight?
Who do I fancy?
That little fella, Kid Burke.
That's Hymie's boy.
Take a good look at him,
'cause after this fight,
he'll never look the same.
The big bloke will knock his block off.
And if he don't, I'll knock yours off.
Say, mister, what're you hitting me for?
Well, why shouldn't I?
It's a free country.
Yes, but I didn't do nothing.
Well, now you know what'll happen if you do.
That's it, that's it!
Oh, Jimmie, what it takes, you've got!
Sock him!
Bite him!
Now that's a nice position.
All right, all right.
Round two, sir!
Rosie, it's a good thing that Hymie's boy
got up when he did.
Otherwise, I could see my 250
going right up the spout.
It's all yours, Jimmie, it's all yours!
Now all you've got to do is to watch that left hook of his,
finish him with a right to the jaw...
And it's in the bag.
Better luck next time, Kid.
Okay, pal.
Go on, go on, go on!
Uppercut, uppercut!
Jimmie!
Run back a bit.
- Come on. - Come on, come on!
- Oh! - You're not nothin'!
Hymie, things is beginning to look critical for your boy.
Yeah, Abe.
Come on, Jimmie!
Come on, pull away.
Come on, get back.
Go, attaboy, attaboy!
Now then, Jimmie, this time,
hit him in the keisters, and everything's rosy!
Come on!
Hit him!
Blind a beetle!
Ladies and gentlemen,
Burke is the winner!
May I come in?
Hello, Rosie.
Kid, you've won!
Yes, and wasn't your father pleased?
Yes.
You winning certainly saved Father from ruin.
I'm glad about that.
Ever so glad.
Kid,
isn't there anything else you're glad about?
How do you mean?
Well, what about our arrangement?
Forget that.
Look here, sweet,
I did it for you and your father.
It was a 'joyable scrap,
didn't do me any harm.
That's enough for me.
But Kid, I gave you my solemn word to marry the winner.
Forget that, too.
I know how you feel towards Jimmie Dale.
You're that way about him, and...
Kid, that's not true.
Do you really mean that, sweet?
Kid, I know my own heart now,
and I'm glad it was you that won.
Honestly?
Course, you know, Hymie,
you know why I came here today, huh?
I want to buy my business back.
Yes.
With the money you won through my son, huh?
Well, why not?
Say, he might have lost, I took a risk.
Besides, Hymie, it ain't such a good business
like it used to was before I sold it to you.
No, I know.
The position is different, the people ain't so nice.
T'ain't such a good neighbourhood no more.
No, I know.
But it's a good business, Abie,
since I been running it.
Good business.
Well, I'll tell you what I'll do with you, Hymie.
I don't want to argue with you.
I'm prepared to make a sacrifice.
I'll give you back the 500 pounds what you gave me.
Is that fair?
And what about the good will?
Well, Hymie, you know I always have a good will for you.
Abie, then it's a bargain, eh?
While I'm this agreeable.
♪ Mazel tov ♪
Hey!
♪ Mazel tov ♪
Ladies and gentlemen!
Pray silence for Mr. Abie Pilstein!
Thank you very much, everybody, for coming.
I mean to make a speech.
Everybody around here knows I'm a rotten speech maker.
But tonight, my heart is so full with sentiment...
And why not?
Didn't two nice young fellas fight
for the hand of my daughter Rosie,
and didn't one of 'em win?
It reminds me of that old motto
what Julius Caesar said before he died,
and Julius ought to know.
What did Julius say?
Julius said before he died, ipso facto pro bono Colorado,
which means, to the victims belongs what is spoiled.
You been married, too, Mr. Bell?
Yes, three times.
Why three times?
Tryin' to pick a good 'un.
Any luck?
Not in the first three.
Say, Anna, speaking of weddings,
will you marry me?
What, you?
No, me!
Ah, you're kiddin'.
No, yiddin'!
Oy, oy, oh boy, oh oy!
And what is your future going to be?
Hm?
You ask Nellie.
We're going to God's own country.
- That's right. - Hmm, that's funny.
You don't look like Jews.
Solly.
Bit of all right, this, eh?
Is it?
What do you think of the supper?
The curd's good.
I do like a good supper.
So do I.
But when this is over, we'll go out and get one.
And another thing I want to say,
I want to thank my friend Hymie Berkowitz
for the beautiful present what he sent
to my daughter Rosie.
That beautiful set of silver spoons what he sent 'em
must have cost at least 350 coupons.
I can remember after our marriage, when we left the house,
the beautiful flowers what they threw at us,
but some of 'em forgot to take 'em outta the pots.
And I'm glad to see the dear old rabbi here tonight.
I knew his family well.
When me and Rosie's mama got married,
he performed the ceremony.
But I ain't got nothing against him for that.
Folks, I got here some telegrams
from friends from the family.
I would like you to listen because I want to read 'em.
They're all very, very nice people.
Here's one from Sully Silverman.
"To Rosie Pilstein,
"may your future be as bright
"as my wife's two new diamond earrings."
That's a good one.
Here's one from Moe Klinger,
came collect on delivery.
"Mr. Abe Pilstein,
"My big bargain sale prevents my coming
"to your daughter's wedding, which I am very sorry for."
I got one here
from the Margolis Furniture Company.
"Congratulations to Ms. Pilstein.
"We stand behind every bed in our factory."
Oh, you know, Sammy Pilsner, he couldn't come.
He writes here, he telegraphs here,
"Mr. Abe Pilstein,
"Regret I could not come to Rosie's wedding.
"The laundry did not bring my shirt."
We are here tonight dissembled
for the purpose of wishing food health,
long life with happiness to the bride and the bridegroom.
Here, here!
If you ask me if there's a happier girl
in the whole world tonight than my Rosie,
I can only answer you with two words.
Impossible.
So now I will propose a toast
for health of the bride and groom,
wishing them long life, and plenty of happiness,
and some other little things.
Listen, my children.
Maurice, you are a fighter.
Rosie, you're now a fighter's wife.
You have made a great match,
but now you are going to have the biggest fight
you ever had in your lives.
And with good luck, may you both win.